A Miscellany of Thoughts Over the Years…

I’m determined to keep improving myself in character, education, and finances.

I am wistful for all the wonderful days that I have experienced, surrounded by people I love. I am hopeful of making even more. Must always remember that I am always in the midst of the good old days. I just haven’t finished making them yet.

Be grateful, content, kind and ever-wondering…

2009

Have you ever read a book when you were younger, and it inspired you to be adventurous and courageous… and it quite possibly may have changed your life?  Did you cherish it as a favourite, only to open it years later, re-read the tale, and find to your utter disappointment that the magic is lost?

That the thrill and purpose you once had from reading it is gone forevermore?  It happened to me today. I was saddened beyond words.  It was as if I had lost a dear friend, but then it occurred to me…

Some books, though they be excellent and wonderfully told, are not “my” classics.  “My” classics do not lose their eternal enchantment but continue to grow with me in every stage of life.  Some books, like this particular one, were only meant to guide me across a certain moment in time, and once done, bid me farewell and good luck before disappearing like a benevolent spectral guide into the mist and realm of memories… to be looked back on fondly and with gratitude from the ever forward-moving ship that is The Present.

May 10, 2009

Went running for a bit this lovely evening, and came across a teeter-totter and some swings.
Alex decided to give me the push of my life… I rose higher and higher despite my protests.  I was quite worried I would swing 360, knock him off his feet, and then we both would be on the wing and there wouldn’t be any stopping us until the swing fell off due to our combined weight, or –rather more likely– we became un-seated!  I imagine too much.

April 6, 2010

We went swimming Easter Monday and had a grand time!  Splashed each other and swam about for an hour or so… and at the end, when we had decided to leave, Alex told me that he would swim us both to “shore”.  I blush to admit that I pretended to be a mermaid on the back of her porpoise or ‘merman’.  We didn’t get very far, and we rolled over in the water at one point!  We laughed so much, and I felt as free, content, and like the little girl who always longed to ‘be’.  The best memory and feelings in the world!

February 14, 2011

Dearest Alex,

Thank you for the sweet note, and the beautiful, beautiful bouquet!  It was romantic, unexpected… and knowing you are not the sort who makes extravagant gestures without reserve, it meant so much to me. Most of all, I will always cherish the dearness of your little missive.  I’m so glad we are each other’s.  I love you! xoxo cathie

July 13, 2011

I love having my bed by the window, because nightly slumbers don’t seem complete without the evening breeze soothing your face and ruffling your hair.  And one can always simply look up to see and salute the sky-lantern moon.

January 17, 2013

Here we are… another year, and I have resolved it is to be my best one yet.  I feel I ought to start with an inspirational quote so that I can always flip to this page and remember my purpose.

“If you feel an inner tug that tells you

it’s time to expand your world,

pay attention.”

 – Thomas Kinkade

This is from Mr. Kinkade’s 2013 “Lightposts for Living” calendar, and I absolutely adore it, for isn’t it the essence of what living is all about?  Continual growth and discovery… at any rate, enough prosing for the moment.  I mean to make all the right and wonderful choices in (almost) every situation!  Much love, Cathie

January 18, 2013

I was just thinking about how lovely it would be to have a home of our own, and be able to decorate it without restrictions, letting visitors catch a glimpse of who I am through the decor and arrangements.  I’d like to call our home, “Romantic Folly”.  I wonder if Alex would agree to it!!

A few romantic things to try:  Hotel room – picnic on floor, breakfast in bed.

P.S.  One more thought! I don’t see why people have to celebrate or strive for all that is ugly or grotesque in this world as ‘beautiful’ because it is ‘real’.  Nice and lovely things do exist!  I like to make what is considered to be the realm of fantasies and fairytales a reality.  I think that is real beauty, because nobody believes it’s attainable.

March 18, 2013

I have learned that just because you struggle with something that is against your principles, doesn’t mean that you are an awful person.  You are simply testing your beliefs and seeing if they can withstand both logic and temptation.  Having convictions and having the courage to act on them and follow through is not always easy to do.  But if it were easy, then it wouldn’t need courage, would it…

Easter Monday, 2013

Made love for the first time. ♥ you Alex.

December 19, 2013

Alex proposed to me!  Except I was the one kneeling down, rummaging through presents he’d got for my family…

I am both jubilant and petrified… What if we don’t last?  Does he love me as strongly as I love him?  Is he the only one for me?  I feel so ridiculous.  I knew with absolute certainty the answers to these questions, once upon a time, but throw a proposal into the mix, and now look at me!

Barb Michaels told me… regarding any ‘someone for life’, it’s not whether you can have/do better or worse, it’s about whom you truly want, faults and all.

January 17, 2014

I am lying in bed at the Empress Hotel (Victoria, BC) as I write this. I’m married!  But not before getting un-engaged and re-engaged first.  I was just terrified of not being right or certain! But now everything feels right and I am quite content.  Alex seems pleased and happy, too.  I was worried he wouldn’t be, I don’t know why!  Will and Taron came, and we had a lovely supper at The Keg.  Now I am nibbling on some scrumptious little pastries Michelle gifted us, and trying the word “Husband” on my tongue.  We are leaving for afternoon tea together very soon!

September 12, 2014

I am all the way across the country now with Alex.  Being in Ottawa is far more different and difficult than I expected, and my sense of adventure, if I’m being frank, is flagging a bit.

December 24, 2014

First Christmas as husband and wife!  The melodies of Yuletide hung sweet upon the winter air…

January 1, 2015

Dear me, I haven’t been excellent at journalling!  Last year, I successfully completed my personal reading challenge. This year, I mean to read even more and try to live a healthy lifestyle.

I will also do my best to shop consciously and discerningly.  I intend to be more ecologically sustainable, more intentional about what I believe is important and truly need in life.

January 25, 2015

I have been a busy bee!  A new job, further French courses, and have read four books already as per my goals! It’s not even February yet!  Then I went on a veritable tidying spree.  You see, I want to be surrounded only by things we use and love and cherish.  Beautiful, practical things.  Everything else is just rubbish and ‘noise’.  I don’t think I can ever be surrounded by too much beauty.  Besides, who needs or wants to have or hold onto things they don’t like or use anymore piling up in attics and basements or cluttering up living spaces and your psyche?  Let them be free to help people who could truly use them!  Donations galore, tomorrow!  I have arranged for quite a few pick-ups.

February 14, 2015

Alex is so sweet! I had to have wisdom teeth pulled, and he was so kind and attentive. He also bought me a beautiful necklace for Valentine’s Day.  It is whimsical … an open pattern of two connected hearts by Jane Seymour, who plays Marguerite Blakeney in the 1982 film “The Scarlet Pimpernel”.  He doesn’t buy me jewellery often (which is very much how I prefer it!) but when he does, it is all the more special.  ♥

March 23, 2015

As Lucy Maud wrote in her journal, “Life is too short to moon over rubbish.“

February 2016

Nothing is ever truly good or horrid, but a terrifying mix of both.  Thus following that eternal edict, was my panicked decision to say ‘no’ to a little kidney bean.  Fear, anger, shock, selfishness, and pragmatism all played a part, and I feel both intense sadness and some relief at not needing to ‘step up to standards’ just quite yet, now that our decision has been made.  If I’m to be honest, the sadness is greater.  I do not feel this ‘ordeal’ is over.  I did not want it to have any impact on me, but either path chosen would have, and it is stupid of me to have insisted it could be otherwise.  I did care more for it than I ever thought I would in the end, but I must make the chosen path work.  Life is like a chess game; we are all pawns and can only move forward, never back.  I resolve to live better in memory of our kidney bean, and should I be worthy, in anticipation of having another perhaps.  Decisions based on negative emotions (especially fear) are NEVER to be trusted.

March 24, 2017

“Nobody Knows I’m Here…”

I’m here.

Hiding in words so grey and sheer.

Listening to sighing winds with a tear,

Drinking in star-ridden skies so clear

Dreaming her dreams so lucid, severe.

She’s here.

Cathie

(originally written March 16, 2017 and shared on social media)

September 10, 2017

Are we to have a little one…?  September 3… a little one on the way?

October 25, 2017

Saw baby bleuet for the first time! ♥

November 16, 2017

I am sure I felt kicking!  I told Alex if it is a boy, I want to call him Edmund Victor Charles Brandon.  Was then told to calm oneself because this is not Downton Abbey, and he is not in expectation of being the next Earl of Grantham.  We will see, won’t we!

P.S.  It’s a boy!

February 18, 2018

Alex can finally feel him kicking as well!  This is so exciting… 10:12 p.m.

April 12, 2018

Today at the midwife’s we found out that Alex and I have the same blood type!  I was so excited and said that it would come in handy if either of us ever needed a transfusion.  The impossible man goes, “Dear gosh. I’ll have to figure out how to change mine.”  Odious man.

May 27, 2018

Hello world, here is your newest citizen… one very tiny and adorable Viktor Edmund Cabot!

June 30, 2018

I read such a sad poem about a Cavalier King Charles’ death tonight.  I went blubbering to Alex and said couldn’t Teddy sleep in our room during the heatwave as his life is so short.  Alex got up from his gaming and brought Teddy’s bed and leash straightaway.  I fell in love with him all over again tonight.  And as a postscript, may I add that Teddy behaved himself beautifully, proving himself worthy of the change.  ♥

May 27, 2019

I cannot believe a year has flown

and my little chick all one year grown.

♥

July 8, 2019

We have bought a house together!

It feels like joyful madness and impossibilities made true… I am hopeful we will have a peaceful and adventurous life there together with only the people we love alike.  We move in August 1, and my mind and soul are racing with impatience!

October 31, 2020

We had the most wonderful, crisp autumn day in which to go trick-or-treating! After supper, we dressed Viktor up in his Halloween costume (Woody from Toy Story) and set out.  He got wonderfully into the spirit of the whole thing and by the end of it could sing merrily out:  Happy Halloween!! or “Trick or Treat!”  And Alex was such a fine father. I love seeing him so.  We came home, had some hot tea, forwent the habitual bath, and sent him straight to bed and sweet slumber.  ♥

Nov 7, 2020

After having a delightful morning reading a Peter Rabbit peep-through tale that Viktor is very fond of, he got up, put his dimpled arms around me and planted a tender kiss on my forehead.  As if that were not enough to melt one, he saw that his kiss had left traces of his morning drink on my forehead.  “Hot cocoa, mama!”” he cried, trying to alert me to this undesirable state of affairs.  I couldn’t help bursting into laughter while reassuring him it was all fine.  He immediately joined in the laughter, squealing merrily and tightened his arms lovingly around my neck.  It was the most precious moment of being a maman… I love him, my brown sugar curls boy!

Nov 8, 2020

Viktor cried out within a few minutes of falling asleep and when I went up to comfort him, he threw his arms around my neck while he slowly stopped sobbing.  I soothed him and kissed his plump cheek softly as he fell back to sleep.

He woke up symptom-less but was inconsolably crying and threw up at one point.  Alex was the most wonderful man.  He never lost patience, took him to bathe and restored our little man outside in the cheery sun and fresh air, rocking on the porch swing.  I made chamomile tea and soothed Viktor with it.  I love when we both are a wonderful team… ♥

December 8, 2020

Today I took a walk with Viktor.  We went and got a book at a local “little library”, and to the dollar store to get candy canes!  He was so joyful and excited about it all, and we might have shared three on the way home.  Alex, who’d taken a break from studying, came to the door to greet us and then he helped Viktor decorate one of our trees (for we have a live Christmas tree this year!) with them.  Then he and I played Hogwarts Battle while Viktor napped and had so much fun with it.  then I played chess with Amy and also spent some time lying in the dark in our bedroom with only the Christmas lights on.  It was so magical.  I do believe this year, I prefer the winter holiday over the autumn’s splendours.  Ooh, and I also took a second walk with Alex and Viktor.  Beautiful, bracing winter air!

December 13, 2020

We –or rather, I… have been watching Sanditon as of late.  Sometimes Alex sits and watches for a spell.  This afternoon, I was wearing a stretchy pregnancy dress with an exaggerated scoop neckline.  What does he do but stare at my bosom and declare that “they are falling out in a most improper fashion,”

My goodness. He isn’t even crazy about the show, so I was a bit bewildered and said, “You watch ONE period episode with me and now you’re giving me period sass?!”

Amy says that’s the moment when I realise that I married the right guy.  I do have some reservations about that…

February 14, 2021

Welcome to the world, dear Julian Aleksander!

February 8, 2021

From mum:  Treat Alex like you want to be treated, and it will be easier.  Make him feel cared for instead of expected from.

From Shauna:  Take this as an opportunity to learn more about Viktor, even at his young age.  The more, the better… what makes him cooperate when he is not in a cooperating mood… every challenge is an opportunity to tap into knowledge you will need his entire life.  Well worth it in the long run.

May 21, 2021

We have been having such cosy family evenings lately.  Have been watching entire film series, a movie a night, and enjoying the moments together.  We started off with all the Star Wars movies, moved on to Harry Potter (which Alex now likes!), finished the Pirates of the Caribbean, and went through the first two The Mummy movies…

June 22, 2021

This morning was deliciously cool and grey.  While Julian slept and my darling husband cleaned our kitchen sink drainpipes, I took Viktor for a quick walk to the new Little Free Library on Downing St.  As we walked there, he said,

“Mummy?”

“Yes, sweetie?” I replied.

“I love trees!” he declared proudly.

Dear Diary, you have no idea (or perhaps you do) how thrilled I was to hear him say that.  He jubilantly played with a fallen maple leaf all the way back, and my heart sang with joy.

September 22, 2021

Alex and I had a big disagreement.

He told me, “Just because we fight, doesn’t mean we forget each other,”

and he says I have great ideas but need to work on following them through.  I will try to be better. ♥

October 16, 2021

I went to Connecticut for Amy’s wedding!  We’ve had such a fine time so far, and it’s been nice meeting her family and friends.  Now we are going to check-in for Matt at the hotel and use the swimming pool and hot tub!  Fun times ^_^  I’m so glad I could make it, and so happy my bestie is so chill about it all and getting M-A-R-R-I-E-D!!

June 21, 2022

Was conversing with Amy about moving on from what happened in the past.  She said it was very big of me to give another chance, and I told her that I am always torn between a sense of fair play and petty justice.  I don’t think any other sentence has ever summed me up so succinctly.